I write this elegy in reflection of the way my mood swings
Abstrusely
Words be abuse when people are accusing me
Words be abuse when people are accusing me
Saying it's a fool to be
but it may be the only
oh but slowly
way to feel up this hole of lonely
At most
that shows
Holding onto your shadow
Keeping ya close
in ploce pro,
Wake a prayer, which is where I lay my despair
I Inquire, "Is life fair when your child's not there...?"
Seth, here I am mourning ya
I toss and turn
I don't lay dormant all through the morning
My thoughts be a forest, so I ask myself,
"How did I get to this point in life?'
Wonder where I'm going, just along for the ride,
and if I'm not enjoying it
then it's just a poison in my
just toying
just boiling inside
There's never been no
a feeling this low
as I grip my pillow
cause it's you I'm seeing
choosing this grieve and having this blue
has blew me in between
A fire
A fury that's burning beneath
His words churning a pure disease
Conserving my sleep cause REM's what I seek
to remember what it was like for you & me
but as soon as you leaving
needing you's the reason I'm breathing so I continue to fight
Even if it's only in my dreams
I'm digging to find
a bigger,
a bitter sweet divine
Where the sun sets
Where the sky's blue
is a bright clue
This is my mission
My mission to find you
Back when it wasn't, it was all because of my brother
Now I look to the clouds to know your above us
This is to my angels
and these are not just fables
thou it might painful
but dont lose your way and be afraid, no
but it may be the only
oh but slowly
way to feel up this hole of lonely
At most
that shows
Holding onto your shadow
Keeping ya close
in ploce pro,
Wake a prayer, which is where I lay my despair
I Inquire, "Is life fair when your child's not there...?"
Seth, here I am mourning ya
I toss and turn
I don't lay dormant all through the morning
My thoughts be a forest, so I ask myself,
"How did I get to this point in life?'
Wonder where I'm going, just along for the ride,
and if I'm not enjoying it
then it's just a poison in my
just toying
just boiling inside
There's never been no
a feeling this low
as I grip my pillow
cause it's you I'm seeing
choosing this grieve and having this blue
has blew me in between
A fire
A fury that's burning beneath
His words churning a pure disease
Conserving my sleep cause REM's what I seek
to remember what it was like for you & me
but as soon as you leaving
needing you's the reason I'm breathing so I continue to fight
Even if it's only in my dreams
I'm digging to find
a bigger,
a bitter sweet divine
Where the sun sets
Where the sky's blue
is a bright clue
This is my mission
My mission to find you
Back when it wasn't, it was all because of my brother
Now I look to the clouds to know your above us
This is to my angels
and these are not just fables
thou it might painful
but dont lose your way and be afraid, no
Cancer
Tell me it's beautiful cause as I look up to a higher place
Thinking the sky's the place
I rejoice with my hands up
Oh, lord be the answer
oooooo
He went home...
no no no no noooo
I don't understand this!
This insane shit!
I live, love, leave it to my main
Him!!!
His faith was too great to be taken
Got me cavin' in
When I'm off in
Can't stop it
Can't take it
Barely makin' it
(Shit) There's no future in
Thats the mood I'm in
(fuck)
I miss him
He's been my friend since, six
Once I mention, friendship
Heaven reminding me to let it be
& outta think
Thoughts he isn't far from me
Tell me that's not hard
cause this sadness
seems to be a habit
cuz this bad shit
comes to me like a f****** magnet
oh,
Might be
bad to have these
These sad dreams
ahh I keep bringing up the past
which is the last thing
I want happening
but I can't help this it kills
so I keep telling myself
As I'm seeing pictures of you up on the shelf
that I need help
I'm in a deep well
of being held from my potential
up against those
those thoughts manifesting deep up in my mental
and those nights I'm giving a chance to sleep
It's you see at the edge of my dreams
unable to breath
Watching the looks of your family
Got em and everyone to understand with the goals I can't reach
and maybe I haven't gone the way with the graduates
but I have grabbed and fasted on the masses
cause those who aim their fist at me
instead insist or infringe exactly what I don't need and really don't see that I'm seeking out the best man in me
Still every night this lonely is staring right before me
with the memories I cherished
hoping it was you who was there
and if I was....
He be right here!
and this would of just been a nightmare
So those I'm left with I push to the fences
but know
I'm not against it
friendship
As long as your bringing me up with my ascension
Living the life that I'm given
With my ego that bring those
to their seats
I meet and greet
I welcome you to the freakshow
Since my mind's been in this mission
to sit ya to get cha to listen
on not making the worse of decisions
So I find whoever is able, to not degrade
Nor label, but make those changes to save those on their evil ways
GO!
but the reason I'm up in this
kcuF sure enough
best of luck this gift
not giving up cause of him
oh won't give me a godly presence
on my knees I been begging for my friend who's sick inside with
He was frightened to find his body filled to more than just a light ill
that it might kill
and in due time came the answer to find it was cancer
oh, Mama told me,
"The faith you keep that, this pink badge
cause this cancers a weak hag, and the chemo will leave those
I want you to defeat it and leave a hero"
Once December sets in...
He was up off the bed
and off of the meds
It was a success and I do feel blessed
but I truly request that you come and give him back,
"Seth"
My best friend
My best man
Who's supposed to attend my weddin'
Therein shows my truest regrets and the irony felt when he was free of every cancer cell
I mean who knew what the chances were when the cancer was purged, that his next fall would occur
Not a poseur to be costing your family to be wallowing in my apology
but this is all probably the cause of me
Shit!
I could of been his banister when he had asked for help
but i dispelled
GO!
but the reason I'm up in this
kcuF sure enough
best of luck this gift
not giving up cause of him
oh won't give me a godly presence
on my knees I been begging for my friend who's sick inside with
He was frightened to find his body filled to more than just a light ill
that it might kill
and in due time came the answer to find it was cancer
oh, Mama told me,
"The faith you keep that, this pink badge
cause this cancers a weak hag, and the chemo will leave those
I want you to defeat it and leave a hero"
Once December sets in...
He was up off the bed
and off of the meds
It was a success and I do feel blessed
but I truly request that you come and give him back,
"Seth"
My best friend
My best man
Who's supposed to attend my weddin'
Therein shows my truest regrets and the irony felt when he was free of every cancer cell
I mean who knew what the chances were when the cancer was purged, that his next fall would occur
Not a poseur to be costing your family to be wallowing in my apology
but this is all probably the cause of me
Shit!
I could of been his banister when he had asked for help
but i dispelled
then found out he had fell asleep at the wheel
Now...
I'm only attending to make amends
to the greatest friend
And on the 27th
I will always remember him
God bless his soul
Now... he's home and his daughter I hold
Who's now 6 years old.
Now...
I'm only attending to make amends
to the greatest friend
And on the 27th
I will always remember him
God bless his soul
Now... he's home and his daughter I hold
Who's now 6 years old.
This was a very hard piece and emotional piece for me and it took a while for me to put out. I've been holding onto this piece for years, and when I wrote it was actually a month from the incident, and I told his mom that I was working on a piece for them. I just didn't want to hold back how I felt and this elegy, this lyrical poem came to life. With that being said this was about my best friend, his name is Seth Begay and he was diagnosed with cancer, but cancer didn't stop him from announcing a baby girl on the way, but how do we cope with cancer? You really can't, you just hope for the best and lean on one another to get through it, and it was happy to hear that he was going to be a father and it was even a greater joy to hear he got through it. He beat it. I knew he would. Then he had asked me to come with him on his last cancer treatment. This was definitely a celebration with my best friend but I decided not to go and spend the day with another person, the person I was dating at the time, who I had been with for 7 years. I think this event as well as many others had changed that but he had fallen asleep on the wheel that night on his way back. It's heavy burden and I hold it against myself asking, "If i was there, would he still be here?" This was what brought the piece known as, "Cancer" I support and send my prayers out to all those battling cancer right now, as well as those who are survivors and beat it. Much love. ❤✍
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