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Angel in the Playground


   

Hey Baby

*Crying*

It's hard once these feelings come on by 
Song comes on and I try my hardest not to cry 

Amongst the stars I wish to summon 
I know your there 
This nightmare I plummet 
as these dreams of you keep on coming 

Can't stomach it
No numbing this 
Each day I keep on runnin' 
You wonder what would of been ours
but these hardships drag us farther apart 
like what should of been my son or daughter? 
Ahh could of been (a father) 
Putting em in this cradle now 
Cries i hear em, faint sounds 

 Our Angel!
 in the Playground 

Can't even say prenatal 
like no I'm not able 
for both of us it was fatal 
on losing 
our Angel
(I awakened the ghost of y'all
broken and left where most would fall)

Now I'm left with 
being separate and once I had the Smith and Wesson against my head and for the second 
I was guessing 
that I messed with 
who, once was my best friend 
Who I let in
 had my head spinned 
and the next thing we questioned 

Our Angel  
Now in the Playground

Ain't doing this for the attention 
I'm lonely
regrettin'
Angered at my decisions 
Insane I'm starting to sink in 

It's knowing we messed with something Godly
and later I know it's going to come back to haunt me
Something constantly following, 

watching, 
gnawing at me 
Ohh

I'm falling and falling 
and no I can't stop it 

Do you
boo boo 
Hear me 
Speaking to you? 
Sick im sinking 
Sucks to think of 
What could of been us

Odd is it seems 
God constantly watching 
Only nods at the scenes 

Here with the problems 
Just wanted to be the dad who awesome 
When my son's got em
I be involved in to come up solve em 

No!
I'm not those that go below with intents of evil 
That leave 
then need & breed
and leave em off in the deep end 
Just sinking 
so they seek peeps like me 
waiting to end this weeping 
but get this treatment on areas where she's weakened 

Hurts to know that he would hand me 
And now when I look to heaven
i know he can't stand me 

Thou, 
I'm right here 
I fight the fear 
that he/she be right there 
and it's quite clear that I'm scared as I'm seein' these nightmares  

In the distance 
I hear em faint cries
I'm listening
Just thinking...
Maybe it ain't mine 
Fuck!
I know those are all lies 

Tried to hide it in private 
Despise the crime which was inside 
a likeness, my hybrid 
which ignited in my bed with my friend

When she was pregnant 
it was sevens 
Meaning ya was a blessing 
so spread your wings 
He/she 
going up to heaven to meet
If not 
you can give the credit to me
             
I'm not a bad guy 
nor a waste of time 
I know you don't believe me
when I say everything will be fine 
but I just really want you to see, that I am trying 

Ugh!
Can't find the words 
but I come to find 
I confide in her
In times it hurts 
Oo this pain
seems to only get worse
Wont you
 lend me your courage 
and tell me it's not murder!


All through the night I'm flinching and kicking 

Hence nights where I'm crying into submission 
Pissed inside 
This is what I have to live with 
Forever missing a baby and that person I would of had a kid with 



It seems
God ain't no help... 
and I seem 
to find myself 
on my knees in this hell
Crazy to say that this love is finished 
and know it's all that I've given 
then learn its diminished 
Maybe it hurts to forget me but its worse when you miss me




          Sincerely, 
                                   Alessandro R. Uentillie 





Comments

  1. Curiosity WritesDecember 1, 2018 at 1:34 AM

    "Angel in the Playground" was the hardest piece to write. The intro, " Hey, baby *cries" was exactly how I entered this piece. Being in this state was hard, moments where I would break down, thinking alcohol could I guess subsidize or reduce the pain and grief. Suicide was something I was fighting, and you realize at that moment we as people fight to stay alive in anyway possible way and going over that line individually was something I couldn't do. Thoughts of my family, thoughts of my friends saved me, writing saved me. I incorporated the pink and blue in one half and the other half because the baby we lost, the gender was unrevealed.. This was basically my letter to myself, the lady I hold dear to me who I had a baby with, and God. You know, asking, "Why God?" Why does this have to be me? Why this trail? You're really pushing me on the edge of faith because when this happened... I was in Spain and I remember going out on the field in the middle of night and just cursing God, and all who I wanted to be with was my family. Was also thinking what my family would think of me, so I held this from them. Debuting this piece was the way my family found out, them being amazing supporters in my writing, so in a way it was an apology to my family and baby girl or boy. I love you.

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