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St. James (Intervention)



















When I got to know ya 

 We were two different cultures 
and you 
didn't know which way to go 
Scared to be broke 
Scared to be alone 
Did mama care? 
I didn't know 
cause her marriage was already gone 

 Seems the more I fight 
The more I find 
that life isn't fair 
So when I do try 
I'm just feeling scared 

 But I find you 
and I find 
things are better right beside you 

 You became 
more than a friend 
more than I planned 
so we looked 
to give it a chance 
Despite the looks that they had 
We knew what it meant 
especially when you were holding my hand 

 (These walls) x2 
are watching me fall 
and if they could tell me 
They would tell me 
I 
I lost it all 

 Would words make a difference 
Not when I mention her 
It would only make things worse 
cause you miss it 
I (hope) x2 
no one else on Earth could feel this 

 Cause this type of love it blows 
to know it ain't enough 
through your hugs it shows 
so what am I sitting here for 
In this torment, 
unadorned, 
so I sit and ask the lord 
How do I fit it in
in this world? 
I'm an orphan with a war in 
A storm forming 
where days I 
just don't feel too important 
Especially when I awake alone in the morning 
With no new baby born 
The sound of dem organs performing
to signal we mourning 

Now if heaven made us 
then I'm only devastated 
that I became
what I've hated 
Enslaved by the spaces 
where your face is engraved in 
A native wanting to break from these cages 
but I realize 
what they're made of 

 (These walls) x2 
Are watching me fall 
and if they could me 
They would tell me 
I 
I lost it all 

 Its got its grips on 
This feeling of sitting in suspicion 
Wondering 
Who's ever listening 
Got me thinking 
Would it 
even make a difference 

 Think when
all my life 
instead of winning 
I been mixed in 
"What I could of did
but didn't" 
Now these dreams I'm spinning 
where it should of been me and you 

 When they mentioned you 
I defended you 

 Telling myself I wish 
I
could of been the one  
You're clinching on 
Only difference is 
I 
didn't want you to get too close 

 I'm thinking love has skipped me 
cause rouge has been me
Hope you know 
even when I'm alone 
You'd need me 
cause this road isn't easy 

 IT'S BEEN MY HISTORY!

 So I drink to beat this low 
and only 
make an addiction grow 
of me 
missing you so...

 No no
You left her 
Forever alone 
my Semper
Fidelis only meant for those 
sticking together 

 (Yeah) x2 
She tried to find you 
But I denied you 
The love that's there 

 We feel what we can't see 
Love is a tangled weave 

 I'm living in denial 
that I won't find you 
ever again 

 So people will be like, 
"Please, James. You're fine" 
Really I want someone to take their time
and show me what love is 
Oh, it must be the stuff of 
crushed lens 
or now 
just tough meds 
to erase thoughts of even a husband 
Please, just say something
Your silence is worse than nothing 
It says that I'm disgusting 
It says that I'm ugly 
Even then, 
would you even love me?

 Say something!
Cause I'm stuck in 
this fucking ruckus 
where every night I'm drunken 
Tugging and punching 
and left with completely nothing 

 Man,
this is what I've done 

 Left behind the thoughts of my son 

 and in this closure 

 I thought I could be close to 

 It's the least I owe her 
Just know I love her

 We warm the darkness
He/She's far up in the stars
My son or daughter 
captured in my heart 

Comments

  1. Curiosity WritesNovember 30, 2018 at 2:24 PM

    So this piece was a great reflection and revert on my last piece, "Angel in the Playground" and I do like to put comments out there for each piece so my audience can understand what it is I am talking about. "St. James (Intervention)" was a more in depth and reflection on the baby we lost, and everything I write is personal to me. With that being said, I feel I should share it with you & not hold anything back. Be a voice for those who've lost because for anyone out there that knows of this misfortune, will know that they're not alone. Even when it's just been bad news after another; the baby, James, finding out about my heart, my writing has been my escape, Curiosity Writes which I'm now venturing with music. It's a beautiful thing, every day I'm left with.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousDecember 1, 2018 at 4:52 PM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Curiosity WritesDecember 1, 2018 at 9:03 PM

      First of all, this was to myself. Me standing in her shoes the best way I can explain, so if you can read it in her place. Then everyone will know what type of person I am and what i did, and with that. like my shoes, my story still remains unsaid. You know laying positive with everything that's happen to me. The lost which was explained when she made that decision that. A cry I had to erase ceremonially which was my look to help. Now my heart, being diagnosed with syncope, the right side of my hearts health deteriorating, proning me to black out. All I had left to do was look for outlooks, things to keep me uplifted. Holding 3 jobs and letting that go because I'm physically not to supposed to be working, driving. 4 months of my absent not meant personally, not done purposely

      Delete

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