Cathartic

Phone vibrates* 

Ring in my phone 

Real late night; when we be at home 

Again-the tone 

Peering close

 to see what you wrote 

“I need & I’m missing you”

and she sees it too

“Now I need you to paint a clearer view 

Cause this the type of shit that eat at you”

Wondering if she a side line... (No) 

“Are you lyin” or am I just idolizing”” (Hope) 

These are the type of nights 

She cry at night 

So she’s hiding why? (So) 

You may feel the stress a 

Ruminate when I left 

Am I a tool if I do regret

and assume the best? (Go...) 

“Can’t you see either you will

or she will bring my past from the shadows 

And unveil what I battle 

to remain...

these shackles”

Thinking I cannot break their hearts 

When I in their eyes ignate the spark 

Therein “lies”

the pain that starts

Then I’m back in the rain in the back of my head

and coming to be back in their arms 

and there I... 

enter the (storm)

A retrogression 

with an ex 

pinned a

 love connection with a blood reflection 

Should of said enough was enough and just be best friends 

Instead we’re Kcuf’ed up and left in 

Feeling rough 

Cause we had enough of the vexing

Now

 I’m curious 

of these high/lows making me so inferior 

“Yup! You’ve become so 

dependent on how you bend your way with women 

From a fool and my early stages 

that cold came 

with my old ways
then came your judgement 
late nights when my phone be buzzin’
really pushed your buttons
Interrupting like I never knew nothing about your past-hood lovers

(Demons!)

 Im done being mistreated 

And to repeat it was just only increasing 

It’s worse 

when feeling you’re really needed

Easing your way with reason 

Where and whenever you see convenient 

seems to dig your way even deeper

Am I just seen shit 

on who’s deviant

Reminisce

with my head back and these thoughts keep constantly sinking 

They rewind 

Lookin for peace 

but it eats my (ease)

So I keep crying 

into sleepless nights 

so I reply, 

“If I could see Kai?”

Then you end with a sentence 

Telling me to, “mind my only business” 

When all I did 

was just really miss him 

All of a sudden

Im commended by amendment 

To sign by X 

to pay for my own dependent 

(No)

That’s not what you want our kid to be left with 

To understand that green is my only means of connecting 

Making future means a fucking death wish. 

(and I promise!)

Even in my situation and all it’s causing 

You really think this peace bond 

will relieve all 

your problems? 

(Oh)

I pray one day that I’ll make up 
No being afraid cause of our hate/love 

Imma ride through this frustration of what I write on these pages 
cause when I see you smiling it’s driving me crazy 

This pain’s a constant weight on my shoulders that really be growing 

From how high I be holding 

and of a time of these lies is skite to be broken 

But 

for the sake of my health 

I pray that I make it through this hell

But If I don’t and you wonder where I go 

and I decide with high hopes to prove that by god! 

That everything I sought 

That even I’m not caught with disappointment 

but that’s all that really grows in; 

That these walls are surely closing 

Making it all-the-more claustrophobic 

Then it’s my fault 

that I come off

for not knowing that I’m supposed to be 

Growing close cause he know it’s me 

But I’m only ghost

 and on ya constantly 

Arguing he’s a part of me 

yet wanna be 

(all he needs, baby) 

It’s always on me

Constantly making it hard to breathe 

Hey!

“Don’t it bleed, 

When you feeling the urge to be that person you were supposed to be “

All damn day these grudges get a hold of me 

Then it blows 

Thoughts 

I can’t let it go 

In my head for the second 

Empathetic 

(RIP) 

And I’m headed for 

and into seven Several stressful mentals 

Where once I had my pistol

being this close (Aye! Damn...)

and this just may be

the end of my road 

But Ironically,

the fact is outta be smarter and set an example, like really, “I’m too a father” 

Really moving harder 

Maneuvering through the water 

And no matter what path I’m choosing,

it seems to be getting farther 

From a family that ties my life, dishonor 

A target 

been solely martyred 

Because of a promise now long forgotten! 

Now I’m Dreaming Dreams of solace

Where I’m free from falling into a deeper, darker part of me has caused us to be a product 

Of our mirrored Problems

I said it and I’ll say it again

“This is the type of shit we don’t need 

in our closets!”

*Dials phone # ***-***-7275

Line rings and phone picks up 

“Please understand 

Even through times I’m not with him 

In your eyes 

Still 

Ive proven that I’m 

the misfit 

put aside to keep nigh 

I can’t end this 

So I keep trying

but sometimes 

I wish we

could switch sides

So you see plight 

is suicide, 

a do or die slow 

For you and I both 

But I ain’t losing Kai 

is an euthanai to my hope 

I know 

I’m go-ing crazy 

Kai, please, don’t hate me” 

Wish I could trade 

These type of days 

to embrace you in my arms...

-“Daddy, what’s wrong?”

- “I just love you so so much

Everything I did led me to you” 

Kai: 

“Ain’t never knew someone as you could prove wrong 

Now I know that’s the same reason my name ain’t the same as, “U,” huh? 

To this day I’m waiting’, 

but still you move on 

Maybe I just wasn’t something to choose 

If you had to choose one 

It’s sad to think 

If I’m not something then I’m probably nothing to you 

If nothing last forever 

then can I please be nothing to you?...

Cause even when I love you 

Im a bit confused on what’s true 

But I’m glad you handled your own 

and everything that’s been thrown at you 

But you built your own castle where your alone with your own battles 

And here I am on my own 

I need you here regardless 

At times even when I’m scared of monsters

(Yeah)

It’s not fair mom’s an only parent and you make me an option 

Then your love is where 

cause I know I’m gonna need it often 

even if you and mom aren’t getting along in all this 

I promise you’re not wrong for calling 

But I don’t know if I could talk and be involved with 

and sulk in other things you’ve not been 

I don’t know if I can make this clearer but it’s you I see when I look in the mirror 

Never ever have I looked so deeper to come close with all that fear”

(You...)

-“Kai, just hurts thinking one day you’ll just cut me...”

*line ends

-I didn’t want you to be apart of this 

But is this my cathartic art to another part of, “Heartless” 

-Love you