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“UNTITLED”



“Walk in faith, not fear”

There are parts of us...

we do let people see


and there are parts...


we do hide 


but God 

built EVERYONE 


with characteristics each ever so beautiful 


and with these built wonders 

some don’t


ever really get to know 


and to those that I’ve been shown 

I’m flattered 


So I take this with the deepest concern 


with lifes up & downs,

and twist & turns 


The Love will emerge


Baby’s cute 

but she wasn’t intellectually outspoke in an area he needed most 


Yet that body & tone 

was that of a Goddess made of gold 


and he 


respecting each end of the stick, so no matter how deep, 

he never truly trip 


in whatever he pursued; he imbued it quick,

 

A nuisance, true 

but never knowing who he really is 

has left him soulfully sick 

so to mend his spirit he glued to chicks in hopes to heal his own


A problem he definitely never owned


so he only guessed to test the ropes


but what’s

love if you can’t love yourself 


I know it isn’t much when you’re loving someone else 


Any hint of trust

then I retreat 

to my distoned shell, 


and I guess that’s what they mean when they say, 

“We’re each our OWN devil and make this world our OWN hell.”


and that’s 

where we come to grips on what 

reality really is 


cause the only one I’ve been fighting is the one that’s been within, 


and it’s honestly a challenge, 

and even worse to understand 

but still 

I hold my mentality higher than I ever did


cause

despite being that reckless kid 


I see, 

you been everything I ever wished and more.


A mirrored reflection of your family before, 


and it’s only right 

as these are 


pieces of time I scrawl


In fact 

I’m cherishing them all 


and that’s what makes this life so beautiful 


Even if 

it’ll take its toll 


I’m not 

afraid to fall 

but in exchange 

I want you to give me your love and soul 

even when times are low 


and you’ll see it’s all rightfully worth fighting for, 


cause in times I do lie 

they question,


“You don’t seem fine” 

is only corrected 

when we see sides 

from different perspectives


Instead of 


putting out these negative aggressions seems to paint the clearest message 


that you can’t even help hone to ANY of MY imperfections, 


and that’s 

definitely tough to clench with,


SEEING 

as we were once 


BEST FRIENDS....


Now’s a simple question on whether we hold our past 

as something only to remember...

in being endless


A weight on our ankles forever 


Still....


My heart don’t accept it 


and that’s where I 


fall slowly 


Maybe I’m not worthy 


Just know 

these are the thoughts that build-to-be worse and turns me to a completely different person, 

and to you...


that’s a burden


Seen as the truth will emerge 

and over the years, 

it’s in this minimum proof 

your mood all changed just to learn 


“I’m not per-fect.”


and it’s in these days that I wonder,


in the “Time” used to build closure 


Yet, 


still I come to dream of us over and over, 


intensely bringing about feelings that easily botch MY composure 


so it’s here 

I rest for the mere moment 


laying frozen 


in a tenfold of distinguishable mixed emotions 


Eyes closing 

as tears expose 


the reality of a 

weak soldier



A reverie 

where I typically pit in aw


but 

I been clenching on 

since I’ve crawled as an infant 


Holding on longer to each thought 

so whether I set them off 

these are the walls I’ve been in 


Seen as they’re written on 


I’m ascertain they relieving 

even the smallest of tensions


Yet,


most I CAN’T EVEN MENTION


so if YA’LL ain’t with it! 


maybe these walls WILL listen, 

to be 

just a bit more positive 


Kinda odd... 


as they’re better at responding to WHAT I’m giving,


SO I 

continue to talk to keep calm 


Remaining headstrong’s a win 


Even through these 

muddy waters, 

in times it’s getting harder 


You discover 

a monsters’ 


pestilence...


keeps settling 


I do my best

to keep ahead of it 


never letting em’


Retrogress to affect my whole as essence   


I hold it together in these therapy sessions  

so WHETHER it’s 


mentally stressing 


It’s forever the biggest bond, so I 


continue to keep on with it 


Aye, Aye 


Ain’t that right, “Mr, Mr..?”


EVEN WHEN

my thoughts ARE 

habitually viscous


so each and everyday, I keep telling myself, 


“Maybe I’M DIFFERENT” 


Oh, 

Ah-Ah 


I trust the process 


I trust it more and more as long as I know if I’m being honest 


AND that’s what I’m hoping

to get across to show


this Inner growths been 

real for a minute 


Done deal if I’m able to see clear

and feel it in my spirit 


No eer-ie feeling when I glance in the MIRROR as I 


ACCEPT my fears,

which soulfully transcends to augment on MY exterior 


and word to the wise, 


a love in thy HEART & MIND 

is done evidently to hold intrinsically 

in being superior 


SAY IT LOUDER,


I CAN’T HEAR YOU 


(Hey ! Hey!)


You’ll only ever be curious.

Steps you won’t actually know 


Until you get good and close 


in a vicinity of those 


constantly on the prowl 

to see that you visibly broke 


and those, 


“10 ten toes down” 

and KNEW 

the sheep from thee wolf, 


Hoping they don’t see it in me 

or display it openly  

cause that has easily been

my #1 pet peeve, OH, in provoking me and MY insecurities 


Shit! 


At a time 

that wasn’t me! 


LISTEN!!


but NOW 

I use these words as a remedy 

(cause now I KNOW )


what’s best for me!;


and let it BE in these moments 

cause EVEN when I was stuck and lonely, 


it had given me the time for atonement

and led me 


to be more outspoken 


A reflection of ODIN 


Now I’M VOCAL!  


Now I’m higher than I chose to! 


An optimistic


Or at least supposed to love yourself unconditionally 


but if your holy visceral isn’t an addition to 

in what you hone habitually 

then it AIN’T what it meant to me


but I paint what feel’s REAL to me 


Moments too surreal

as my tears portray this vulnerable expression 

of beauty & pain in which I hold collectively’s not a resentment 


but more so a bitter sweet remedy where I use

AND EQUIP THESE WORDS 


Boy! What a beautiful way 

to come put them in a verse 


Keeps a peace in me which seemingly works 


Voices I done heard was special! 


Giving me time to reset to 

being less stressful towards my mental 


has allowed ME 

the air to breathe 


As opposed to back when I was feeling finicky 

and drinking so 

steadily 


and/or taken anything that’ll affect my total brain chemistry 


Instead 


I focus on the fave 


A written recipe 


Where I hold collectively 


my thoughts I hone a speciality 


but

holding an doctors acquisition they deem hereditary


Honestly isn’t fair to me 


Still I continue to hold it down wearily

Sharing it 

Hoping 


therapy will give way to its apparancy 

but 

naming it in clarity keeps scarying me 


That one day...


it be too hard to bare 

makes it a nightmare, 


so I hold onto anything, 

oh, so desperately 

without realizing it’s actually only tearing me in ways I don’t dare to think


and that’s when... 

I tend drink


bringing up my past and everlasting memories 

Holds itself as an act of battle of asperity


AND not...


DOING a DAMN THING 


conjures these feelings to aspirate so carelessly 


An influence to 

my autonomy 


and that’s the reason why it bothers me 

cause it’s not only affecting me 


but also as well as My family


Times any one woman could take them as ransom 


Trampling, 

so when I came to a conclusion in crossing you OUT; 

It GETS YOUR attention 


Thoughts about being a pessimistic 

holds YOUR suspicion


That I 

MIGHT be 

(conniving)

and feel-ing jivvy 

& super good in hiding to keeping IT in private 


“So WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS..?”


-I don’t know, 

I just never been able to confide 

to find 

where in MY mind 

these strifes continue to antagonize me 

to a point where I once drew out.... 


suicide was maybe the right thing, 

but

rest assure, 

this a fire I deem dire 


and it would admire me to see us as society aspiring to speak out 

Instead of sitting quietly,

silently until you lose someone you hold is simple...

IRONY

-L 

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