There are parts of us...
we do let people see
and there are parts...
we do hide
but God
built EVERYONE
with characteristics each ever so beautiful
and with these built wonders
some don’t
ever really get to know
and to those that I’ve been shown
I’m flattered
So I take this with the deepest concern
with lifes up & downs,
and twist & turns
The Love will emerge
Baby’s cute
but she wasn’t intellectually outspoke in an area he needed most
Yet that body & tone
was that of a Goddess made of gold
and he
respecting each end of the stick, so no matter how deep,
he never truly trip
in whatever he pursued; he imbued it quick,
A nuisance, true
but never knowing who he really is
has left him soulfully sick
so to mend his spirit he glued to chicks in hopes to heal his own
A problem he definitely never owned
so he only guessed to test the ropes
but what’s
love if you can’t love yourself
I know it isn’t much when you’re loving someone else
Any hint of trust
then I retreat
to my distoned shell,
and I guess that’s what they mean when they say,
“We’re each our OWN devil and make this world our OWN hell.”
and that’s
where we come to grips on what
reality really is
cause the only one I’ve been fighting is the one that’s been within,
and it’s honestly a challenge,
and even worse to understand
but still
I hold my mentality higher than I ever did
cause
despite being that reckless kid
I see,
you been everything I ever wished and more.
A mirrored reflection of your family before,
and it’s only right
as these are
pieces of time I scrawl
In fact
I’m cherishing them all
and that’s what makes this life so beautiful
Even if
it’ll take its toll
I’m not
afraid to fall
but in exchange
I want you to give me your love and soul
even when times are low
and you’ll see it’s all rightfully worth fighting for,
cause in times I do lie
they question,
“You don’t seem fine”
is only corrected
when we see sides
from different perspectives
Instead of
putting out these negative aggressions seems to paint the clearest message
that you can’t even help hone to ANY of MY imperfections,
and that’s
definitely tough to clench with,
SEEING
as we were once
BEST FRIENDS....
Now’s a simple question on whether we hold our past
as something only to remember...
in being endless
A weight on our ankles forever
Still....
My heart don’t accept it
and that’s where I
fall slowly
Maybe I’m not worthy
Just know
these are the thoughts that build-to-be worse and turns me to a completely different person,
and to you...
that’s a burden
Seen as the truth will emerge
and over the years,
it’s in this minimum proof
your mood all changed just to learn
“I’m not per-fect.”
and it’s in these days that I wonder,
in the “Time” used to build closure
Yet,
still I come to dream of us over and over,
intensely bringing about feelings that easily botch MY composure
so it’s here
I rest for the mere moment
laying frozen
in a tenfold of distinguishable mixed emotions
Eyes closing
as tears expose
the reality of a
weak soldier
A reverie
where I typically pit in aw
but
I been clenching on
since I’ve crawled as an infant
Holding on longer to each thought
so whether I set them off
these are the walls I’ve been in
Seen as they’re written on
I’m ascertain they relieving
even the smallest of tensions
Yet,
most I CAN’T EVEN MENTION
so if YA’LL ain’t with it!
maybe these walls WILL listen,
to be
just a bit more positive
Kinda odd...
as they’re better at responding to WHAT I’m giving,
SO I
continue to talk to keep calm
Remaining headstrong’s a win
Even through these
muddy waters,
in times it’s getting harder
You discover
a monsters’
pestilence...
keeps settling
I do my best
to keep ahead of it
never letting em’
Retrogress to affect my whole as essence
I hold it together in these therapy sessions
so WHETHER it’s
mentally stressing
It’s forever the biggest bond, so I
continue to keep on with it
Aye, Aye
Ain’t that right, “Mr, Mr..?”
EVEN WHEN
my thoughts ARE
habitually viscous
so each and everyday, I keep telling myself,
“Maybe I’M DIFFERENT”
Oh,
Ah-Ah
I trust the process
I trust it more and more as long as I know if I’m being honest
AND that’s what I’m hoping
to get across to show
this Inner growths been
real for a minute
Done deal if I’m able to see clear
and feel it in my spirit
No eer-ie feeling when I glance in the MIRROR as I
ACCEPT my fears,
which soulfully transcends to augment on MY exterior
and word to the wise,
a love in thy HEART & MIND
is done evidently to hold intrinsically
in being superior
SAY IT LOUDER,
I CAN’T HEAR YOU
(Hey ! Hey!)
You’ll only ever be curious.
Steps you won’t actually know
Until you get good and close
in a vicinity of those
constantly on the prowl
to see that you visibly broke
and those,
“10 ten toes down”
and KNEW
the sheep from thee wolf,
Hoping they don’t see it in me
or display it openly
cause that has easily been
my #1 pet peeve, OH, in provoking me and MY insecurities
Shit!
At a time
that wasn’t me!
LISTEN!!
but NOW
I use these words as a remedy
(cause now I KNOW )
what’s best for me!;
and let it BE in these moments
cause EVEN when I was stuck and lonely,
it had given me the time for atonement
and led me
to be more outspoken
A reflection of ODIN
Now I’M VOCAL!
Now I’m higher than I chose to!
An optimistic
Or at least supposed to love yourself unconditionally
but if your holy visceral isn’t an addition to
in what you hone habitually
then it AIN’T what it meant to me
but I paint what feel’s REAL to me
Moments too surreal
as my tears portray this vulnerable expression
of beauty & pain in which I hold collectively’s not a resentment
but more so a bitter sweet remedy where I use
AND EQUIP THESE WORDS
Boy! What a beautiful way
to come put them in a verse
Keeps a peace in me which seemingly works
Voices I done heard was special!
Giving me time to reset to
being less stressful towards my mental
has allowed ME
the air to breathe
As opposed to back when I was feeling finicky
and drinking so
steadily
and/or taken anything that’ll affect my total brain chemistry
Instead
I focus on the fave
A written recipe
Where I hold collectively
my thoughts I hone a speciality
but
holding an doctors acquisition they deem hereditary
Honestly isn’t fair to me
Still I continue to hold it down wearily
Sharing it
Hoping
therapy will give way to its apparancy
but
naming it in clarity keeps scarying me
That one day...
it be too hard to bare
makes it a nightmare,
so I hold onto anything,
oh, so desperately
without realizing it’s actually only tearing me in ways I don’t dare to think
and that’s when...
I tend drink
bringing up my past and everlasting memories
Holds itself as an act of battle of asperity
AND not...
DOING a DAMN THING
conjures these feelings to aspirate so carelessly
An influence to
my autonomy
and that’s the reason why it bothers me
cause it’s not only affecting me
but also as well as My family
Times any one woman could take them as ransom
Trampling,
so when I came to a conclusion in crossing you OUT;
It GETS YOUR attention
Thoughts about being a pessimistic
holds YOUR suspicion
That I
MIGHT be
(conniving)
and feel-ing jivvy
& super good in hiding to keeping IT in private
“So WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS..?”
-I don’t know,
I just never been able to confide
to find
where in MY mind
these strifes continue to antagonize me
to a point where I once drew out....
suicide was maybe the right thing,
but
rest assure,
this a fire I deem dire
and it would admire me to see us as society aspiring to speak out
Instead of sitting quietly,
silently until you lose someone you hold is simple...
IRONY
-L
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