TRIGGERED

“Norm”

 meaning western teachings, which I was forced to conform 

“Con-form”…”

An Assimilation of the mind, body and soul 

And inside, crashing back n forth

Nights in constant torment 

NVG’s will light the sky’s without your eyes trying to force it 

“Oh, Am I alive?”

I must admit I’m terrified that these are answers I find quite important 

Do I need enlightenment or 

do I just keep it all hidden inside to be forever dormant, 

or Im already too far as I reach for the skies 

but I lose my grip

I’m losing it 

as I’m sucked INTO this pendulum, I keep envisioning on where my spirits been 

A suffering I want to end 

I tell them, “Be not afraid and I did everything to be anything but evil.” 

And if I was so important, 

“Why would I do this to myself and let me go?” 

Did I not know

how to love myself (right) that it was such a stress to hold by myself (at night) 

so now I take ANYTHING 

to best express myself (in these times)

Cue the thoughts that will spew these things 

Now, I’m in hopes they don’t repeat 

cause all it ensues is for me mix it with a drink 

and bring back memories that are bittersweet 

You see?! 

It means more to me than you think it did

A light, won’t you at least let it in? 

Here those thoughts go playing again 

Come picture this 

My head fitted to that I saw in a shrink

That now, I’m caught up in this brink 

where I can barely hear myself surely think 

The real me! 

I question where I will be and if this actually how I’m feeling

It’s all too surreal to me to think I’m being defeated, as everything in me has been distorted 

Whoa-oh, I’m losing myself in this God awful war of self torment 

but why, oh, why 

do I do this to myself more & more in that same fire!! 

but maybe 

not forever

and through its scolding ash & embers 

These scars hold endless and I’ll remember 

The page that was torn all forever

and to my audience (I hope I’m remembered) 

as the FATHER who got together 

and so fought 

to be friends with 

the MIND who saw not-to-surrender 

Until one day 

my HEART STOPPED FOREVER

Cause I am not HELLTHY

Oh, I am not HELLTHY 

and these thoughts TRIGGER to slowly cock a round in the chamber, 

A rouletted feed that had birthed from the hammered force that could of been

AND that’s the feeling that came slithering 

Onto my firing pin

Igniting a black midst of me 

and these dark beings yelling these demonic things. 

Voices I done heard so vividly that I’m already closely listening 

I sulk and resonate as I hold onto any & everything 

I HOWL from the pressure entering

“I’m no perfect being!”

Just a person so I give myself the courtesy to not murder me. 

and If these stripes are earned, then one day I hope I find the word, 

designed to find, “how I hurt” 

or better yet “ how the mind all works.” 

so through this time, 

the answers I seek to find 

IS held in a meeting between me, myself and I (oh, I’m trying to purge!)

So I cleanse MY SPIRIT 

and that’s a feat to climb 

I feel it almost instantly, I’m getting high 

I realize but forget 

so I heat the piece 

Inhale and hold the hit inside 

I know it’s pissed, but so am I 

and if this is what holds the bricks which builds the bridge INTO my life 

Then those same invasive thoughts that come hurdling,

that burden me 

will end up murdering 

Then burning to be cursing me (eternally) 

I’m fighting fire with fire, there are no words 

to feel this 

as I soul search AND if this a room for growth

Then I’m on a growth spurt 

And if I get too close to this MIND then I won’t find out until it’s….over. 

TRIGGERED